My reflections on excellent questions...

Jenny, I love that you and Tiff are getting back into the Love Hunger book. I really think that any additional insight into this attempt at improving the already magnificent creatures that we is incredibly beneficial. There are a number of questions that you posed and I'd really like to answer them all so bear with me...it might be long but hey, I'm worth it!!!

First, what is my motivation for weight loss? There are a myriad of reasons that I would like to lose weight. I have some personal reasons, health reasons and let's be honest, vanity reasons that I want to and will be successful in this lifestyle change. Here are the reasons that I think are most important:

1. I want to feel completely in love with myself. I love the person that I have become. I'm strong willed, hard working, a loyal friend/daughter/sister/aunt etc., dependable...the list in my head goes on, but I think you get the point. However, the one area in my life that I am not satisfied with is my overall health which is mainly related to my excess weight. For all intensive purposes I am healthy, but as I get older, this will not be so unless I do something about my weight now.

2. I don't want to have a stroke at 35 like my mother did. Granted, I am not, nor have I ever been a smoker like she was, nor did I have to deal with the stress of raising 3 children on my own with little to no money at times, so I know nothing of the stress she went through in her 10 single years, but the family history is there.

3. I want to look at pictures of myself and not cringe...I want to be able to think, I look good!

4. I never want to have to think, would random guy X like me if only I looked like random hot chick Z ever again.

5. If I lose the weight that I want to, I think it will help motivate my sister to lose weight also...she, like myself is at increased risk of stroke (due to the same mom and all) and has temptations that I cannot even imagine dealing with due to working at McDs.

(there are more, but like I said...these are just the most important)

I don't have a lot of real, food memories as a young child for the most part. I do remember that when my parents were married, and my dad drove truck, when he would come home on Friday nights we always had a nice, big meal. Usually steak, potatoes and broccoli and it always felt like a celebration. There were usually small presents and everyone was happy. When my parents divorced I guess what I remember most is not having a lot. My mom did the best she could but there were a lot of meals that consisted of hamburger, mac'n'cheese, hot dogs, eggs, and canned veggies because it was inexpensive. To be honest, to this day my sister still can't really eat mac'n'cheese and rarely eats hot dogs because they were eaten so much when we were growing up. For birthdays and special events we always had nice meals though, we got to pick what we wanted when we were first divorced and then as we got older, mom worked more and had a bit more money we got to go out to eat!!! Again, it was a feeling of happiness and a celebration when we did this. Meals at home though were spent mostly in the living room with the TV on (mom worked 80+hours a week and had to miss a lot of meals and we kids tended to not do the sit at the table thing). Even when we married Bob we still had the TV on during dinner. It was sitting at the table but the TV was there.

In my mom's extended family is a celebration (I'll use her family as my reference point because it's the part of the family that I've spent most time with). At family gatherings, whether it was a major holiday with the whole family or just a random gathering at the farm with only the locals eating was fun. We all loved being together and we would gather around the kitchen/dining room tables and talk and laugh and eat food, drink drinks and be merry. I really feel like this has carried into my adult life. I don't like to eat alone. I view eating as a social time when one should be around those they love. It's why I don't actually eat out on my own. I'll go to the movies alone, no problem at all; however, every time I try and go to a restaurant by myself I feel awkward and sad. It's not because I feel dumb for eating by myself, but I don't get the same feelings of happiness that I get when I'm out with friends or family. Now that I'm writing this I think when I'm down and want to eat it's because I want to feel those happy cheerful thoughts that I feel when eating with friends and family...hmmm, I'll have to ponder this.

Now, to reflect on the eating habits of those around me...

Mom. My mom is an amazing eater. Watching her is fantastic. People will accuse me of being a slow eater, but compared to my mother I am a speed racer! Like me, she hates to eat hot foods that are luke-warm and often times has to nuke her meal in the middle because it takes her so long to eat that it gets too cold for her liking. She has also really worked at eating proper portions and making wiser choices. My mom recently (well over the last 5 years or so) has probably lost almost 100 pounds and managed to keep it off for the most part. There have been periods of increase but she always takes it off again. She is actually my main motivation for weight loss. If she can do it, and she started 15 or so years later in life than I am, I should be able to do this now!

I really don't think I've been that influenced by my dad or my step-dad's eating habits all that much. To be honest, what I remember, neither of them had great eating habits (my dad is a great cook and his wife a great baker so they always have great, rich, comfort foods around...my step-dad, prior to being diagnosed with diabetes was a sugar fiend). I know that over the years both have changed their eating habits due to health/medical issues but I like I said, I don't know that I can really assess any of my other 3 parents.

My brother and sister on the other hand I know fairly well. My brother was very similar to what your youngest sister seems to be now. He was a year-round athlete who could eat whatever he liked and not really gain weight. He jumped from sport to sport and was big (he's a massive dude...we got some seriously big stock in our family line somewhere) but wasn't fat. It was normal after football games to take him to McD and watch him eat a 20 piece nugget, 4 or 5 double cheese, fries and as much pop as he could get. Then, he stopped playing sport...now he's in the same boat as the rest of us. In fact, his orthopedist told him that he needs to lose weight or he'll simply tear his ACL again (for the 4th time mind you). He can't do much about the musculature or frame size so he needs to deal with the excess fat weight to take some of the load off his poor right knee.

My sister is a lot like me. She got into bad habits early in life and has had to deal with the consequences since. Unfortunately, she has a harder time with her weight loss/maintenance than I do because of her work temptations. I can't make judgements against her and I don't want to try and analyze her but I think I'm in a better place than her mentally when it comes to weight loss (I think I'm happier in life and therefore can control my cravings and splurges better) but hey, I could be totally wrong. Let's just leave it at she has issues like the rest of us.

I think something else to think about is how our friends influence our eating habits. I won't get into this now, I'd hate to ruin it if that's one of the Love Hunger topics. If it is, I'll wait until you get there Jenny...if not we can discuss it on our own!

I guess the last thing is excuses. I always hate it when diet/fitness programs try and blow excuses out of the water. Not that it shouldn't be done but their go-to excuse is the whole big boned thing. Granted, most people who are just 'big-boned' are not, in fact carrying their weight on a large frame, I, in contrast am. When doing body comping in grad school I was given the disheartening news that I not only have a large skeleton for a woman, but I fall into the large male frame category...go me! I mean, let's be honest, I'm not shocked...one look at my massive feet and man-hands as they're so fondly called by my friends and one would guess that I have a large frame. Now, that's not to say that am not carrying way too much excess weight on that large frame (I've never tried to deny it), but I have no hopes of every being much under 200 pounds. I'd rather not start chopping limbs off and that's what I'd have to do to get to much lower than 200 (which is my ultimate goal)!! Having said that I do have excuse. I will say I'm tired, and we all know that if I would even to 20 minutes of cardio I'd be less tired...gotta love endorphins! I could say that I'm hungry...that's why I try to carry a snack to work with me...something that I can eat before I leave work to ensure that I won't have that excuse to night work out but I'll still be hungry for dinner. Unsweetened applesauce is working really well...so do bananas! I am not working out tonight because I am really sore...I haven't taken a break from my workouts for 5 days. Initially I thought to myself, I'm sore...can't work out, but even that is an excuse. So, tonight when I get home from the store I'm going to just to a stretching workout. It's not as intense but it's still better than nothing. If I sat here long enough I could probably come up with hundreds of excuses but you I won't bore you like that. I guess my thought is, at some point, we have to say 'enough is enough' and get our assess of the couch and do something. I've actually been thinking about my physical activity. I really want to use the exercise room at my apartment when it opens again. It will be the perfect time...spring! My goal is to get up at 5 and work out before work. We'll see how that goes. If it's going to happen I have to start form the habit when the days are longer. It's still a ways off but I'm getting into the swing of things now.

Ok, this novel needs to be complete. Sorry for writing so much...blame Jenny for bringing up some many excellent questions. Have a great night ladies, be strong and be good!!!