Eating out and resisting the beloved cheeseballs

So today in Independence, after getting good news about my car, my parents wanted to eat at local diner. I was actually hungry so I decided to join them. They wanted to discuss some things anyway. I really want to only eat out once a week but oh well, it's not actually a set goal just a preference. Well it was somewhat difficult because the diner had good stuff like bread cheeseballs and other fatty foods. I stayed true though and got a chicken breast sandwich (unbreaded) with all the veggies on it. I put a little ranch dressing on it since I don't like mayo. I ate a few of my mom's breaded mushrooms and resisted the wonderful cheeseballs that I adore. The chicken sandwich alone did really fill me up. I guess the true test will be if I can resist cheeseballs at Hickory Park. I'm pretty sure we'll eat there again in the next month. I can't believe how well I'm listening to my hunger. Let's hope my ability to listen like this holds out for a long time. I'm waiting for a stressful moment to hit though. Alrighty, enough rambling for now.

Expanding on Jenny's thoughts...

I am really glad that your last post was what it was. I've been noticing some things in myself over these last few weeks...things that I'm sure I've noted in the past but are standing out more to me this time around. I love the scale from 0-5 to describe hunger. I think assessing my hunger and fullness are two of the biggest tasks that I face. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that mose overeaters face this struggle. As overeaters we have become acustomed to the feelings of being overly full. The unpleasant tension in the stomach...the bloated feeling that leave us in a position to do nothing more than unbutton our pants and lay on the floor (ok, that's a bit dramatic but I'm sure we've all been there more than once). My issue right now is that unless I feel this miserable feeling, I don't stop eating. That's a problem. I know that I don't need to feel stuffed and miserable to be full but it's like my mental hunger isn't satiated until I feel like death. I would really like to fix this. It's funny because losing weight isn't just about dieting or exercise. It's about completely relearning how we've approached food and fitness our entire lives (well, at least my entire life). This really is a learning process!

Also, last week sucked. I have no excuse. I simply lacked the self-control to make myself behave...I WILL do better this week!

So, onto the goals:
-get back to eating out only once per week (last week was bad and I felt like crap because of it!)
-keep up with 15 minutes of exercise each day
-cut all of my food portions in half...eat it slowly
-eat only when physiologically hungry (for this one week absolutely no head-hunger snacking...I have to do this to prove to myself that I can)

So am I really hungry?

I have to admit the Weight Watcher's thing is really helping me think about whether or not I'm actually hungry. As mentioned in the past (I think), a lot of my hunger is mental. I'm hungry when I'm bored, doing tedious work, lonely, or just blah. Well the Weight Watcher's program gives a scale for hunger. Basically it goes like this:

0 = very hungry, ravenous
1= hungry
2= A bit hungry
3= Satisfied/comfortable
4= Not at all hungry/full
5= Stuffed

Basically a person's comfort zone is around 2-3. I know this is a "duh" thing but in the past, even last week, I'd eat until I was at 5. I've been slowing down when I eat the last few days and really evaluating if I'm hungry or not. Usually I'm not that hungry. It's not been difficult to use my points and feel satisfied. So Nicole was right, slowing down when you eat is wise. Very wise. You'd think I'd realize that eating til I'm stuffed sucks but I've obviously been doing that for awhile. Especially when I go out to eat. For some reason I think it's wrong to bring home food from restaurants. I think it's not going to taste as good when I reheat it or something. I always try to eat it all when I'm there and end up feeling miserable the rest of the night. Let's hope I think more with my physiological signals than my eyes when I go out to eat next.

From the mind of Jenny....

I don't have enough time to start any actual work before I leave my apartment so I thought I'd make some remarks about my eating behavior. So I had a "last supper" occurrence last night. The "last supper" phenomenon pertains to a large meal, usually of favorite foods, that you eat prior to starting a diet or lifestyle change. Since I started counting my points today, I ate a little too much last night. Ok, I ate way too much last night. I grabbed some of my potato soup from the Hy-Vee deli and also ate a huge salad. I also snacked on some licorice taffy.

I've noticed a common occurrence most nights. Usually when I reach my "no eating" time at night (8:30ish pm) I have a mental battle with eating. I'm not physically hungry at this time but I have the need to keep eating. I find myself saying "Oh screw it, just eat something tonight and start over with the goal in the on the next day". And yes, last week I gave into that line of thinking a lot. It's a horrible vicious cycle. I need to go back to the library and get a book to read at night. I didn't actually read "Angels and Demons" because I got really busy the week I borrowed it. I also sit by the computer A LOT chatting at night and tend to snack then too. Quite frankly I need to make a rule that I cannot eat by the computer. If you saw my keyboard you'd be horrified because it's so dirty from spilled food and drink. I'm surprised it still works sometimes. I really hope all these areas of my life start to click now that I started Weight Watchers.

I did it....

Ok, this is Jenny. I went to a Weight Watcher's meeting today and got all signed up. I'm doing their monthly pass program so I'll be shelling out $40 a month (not including food if I chose to buy that). Thanks to my inability to read I missed the 10am meeting. I swear to god it said 11am the other day so I was planning to go at 11am. Luckily they offer a meeting at 12:15pm so I went to that instead. I like the leader for the most part. They are always so damn perky though. I understand its necessary for the job but come on...it gets a little old. My officially weight today is 282 lbs. I'm going to do their flex plan which means I basically get so many points and have to use them all each day. I get an extra 35 to play with during the week for treats and stuff. I get 37 points a day. It seems like a lot because in the past when I've done Weight Watchers, I've obviously been lighter and started with a lower amount.

I got a good recipe from the meeting for a dessert. My friend Marie told me about this too and I've wanted to try it for months. You simply buy a box of low-fat brownie mix. If you buy regular mix, it won't be so healthy. Instead of adding the usual egg and oil, you only add black beans. You puree a can of black beans and they make up for the liquid ingredients. The brownies taste exactly the same! I had them earlier this year. Since they have so much fiber, they also fill you up faster and you don't binge on them. And if you do binge on them, you'll regret eating all that fiber the next day.

Due to Weight Watcher's I'll be able to report my weight on a weekly basis. Hopefully checking in with Weight Watcher's will keep me in check. I have habit of losing 10-20 pounds and falling off the wagon because I don't think I need the program's help anymore. Well obviously my gut and butt indicate that I do need their help for a longer period of time.

Time for my lazy ass to write something...

Well...things haven't been horrible. But they haven't been great. The last two days have been filled with lathargy and low motivation. I've done well with eating though. After Gavin's football game, we went out to eat to good 'ol Hickory Park and that will be our "eating out" experience for the week. I really need to get my behind to Weight Watcher's this week too. I see no reason why I won't attend on Thursday since I'm hell bent on attending the meetings at 11am Thursdays.

I'm really sick of feeling so run down. I know if I continue to fix my eating habits and if I EXERCISE regularly, I won't feel so crappy. My sleep habits suck too. I have a very difficult time falling asleep around 10pm when normal people go to sleep. Even if I don't nap during the day or early evening, I still struggle going to sleep at a suitable time. It's driving me nuts.

Ok, enough complaining. Time for some goals.

1) Once again I do not want to eat after 8:30pm. I have to move it back half an hour because Gavin and I get home late sometimes from activities or events in the area. I fudged on this goal a couple times last week because of late arrivals home.

2) I need to weigh myself once a week on a non-sucky scale. The one in my apartment is not very accurate so I'll use one at my place of employment.

3) I need to work in an extra 90 minutes of exercise each week. Ideally, I'd like to work out for 30 minute bouts 3 times a week or more. Really wish I had someone to play tennis with.

The Results...

So, after spending a few days journaling about my eating habits I have come to a few conclusions.

A) I eat way to quickly. I tend to overreat and don't even know it at the time. I finish and feel fine and then suddenly 10 minutes later feel like a stuffed pig...not a good feeling.
B) I do love foods that are bad for me...we all do.
c) I am such a bored eater. I don't snack during the day...even if I have food at work to munch on I don't tend to do so. I do, however, snack unrelentlessly at night and all weekend long...this is a problem (mostly because I have no friends in Michigan and am basically bored all my waking hours).

To be honest I'm not really surprised by these revelations, although I will admit that I didn't realize how bad the boredom issue was until I started logging what was going in my mouth. Now that I know this I am going to have to find a way to preoccupy myself. I think that I am going to apply for a part time job at Lanebryant and if I get that I hope that it will help. It will at least get me out of the apartment which means less sitting on my rear doing nothing but giving it some more cushioning. I also noted that I got crap for exercise while I was journaling so I'll have to do something about that as well.

So, after taking all of this into consideration I have added to my goal list:
-eat out only once per week
-get at least 15 minutes of exercise EVERY day ( I know it's not a lot but it's a starting point)!

I hope you all had more success this weekend than I...let me know what's up!

-nicole

AHH!!!

So stressed. SO tempted to just come home and gorge on Chinese take-out!!!

Will cook at home instead...(you might have no idea how much self-control this is taking but it's taking a lot)!!!

Cannot write more now!!

I have found the secret to NOT overeating!!!!

So here is the deal ladies.....all you need to do is get a nasty cold! My appetite has been shot for a couple days now. I actually had to force myself to eat lunch, which is quite the change.

Ok, that is obviously a joke. Stay healthy. I really don't have much to add. I also need to go grocery shopping (as my sister added in her blog) but I haven't felt up to it lately. I'm also hosting a meal for a group of people this weekend so I need to stock up for that. Anyone have any great recipes for roasting potatoes? Fingering potatoes specifically? I've been looking up some recipes online and found a couple good ones that involve olive oil and herbs.

I am planning on going to Weight Watchers tomorrow. I'll let you know how great or torturous it was. I admit I'm not excited about counting points again but if it gets me back on track and back on a healthy routine....so be it.

New week, new goal...

I must say, the whole blog thing is working out for me way better than I thought it would. I love the fact that I am accountable to anybody who reads this blog. It has only been three days since I last posted yet I still feel like a slacker...this is good.

The last two days have been crazy but I feel like I am doing well. I had a pretty rough Sunday night...I definitely did some illegal snacking. In the past that one night of doing poorly would be enough to make me throw in the towel but not this time. I know that there are going to be those nights and I have decided that instead of letting my moments of weakness ruin my grand plan that I will pick up and move on (also, learning from my mistakes would be helpful). That really brings me to my goal for week 2. My goal this week is to really pay attention to what's going on concerning my eating habits. On Sunday night it was painfully obvious that I was eating because I was bored. I wasn't hungry, per se, howeverI just found myself drifting towards to kitchen and sneaking things (cookies, rice cakes, serbert...). So, from this moment forward it is my goal to document everything that I put in my mouth. Not only wll I record what I eat but I will write down how I feel before and after (hungry, full, bored, tired, moody, sad etc.). I will also take note of how long it takes me to eat. One of the the things that I remember from my most successful weightloss attempt (Weigh Down...the first time around, not when Jenny and I tried it last year) was that people eat too quickly and then we overeat. This makes sense because physiologically speaking it takes 20 minutes for our body to feel full (one of the least intelligent functions of the human body if you ask me). Once I have my data compiled I will report my results. I plan to start my journaling* tomorrow when I have breakfast and complete my data collection on Sunday night. If anybody else is interested feel free to keep track as well and we can discuss our findings next week.

Until next time!

*I plan to follow my 'before my weightloss attempt' eating habits for the remainder of this week. I feel as though it will help me to get the most indepth feel for what, when and why I eat.

A somewhat successful weekend...

So as you all know, I ventured home to NE Iowa this weekend and didn't do too bad with my eating. Usually I snack waaaaaaay too much. Instead of salty chips, I had popcorn with my family. I did have a handful of Cheetos too but its better than eating half a bag. I did eat out more than usual but I monitored myself and didn't over do anything. I even went to a buffet and didn't gorge myself. I only had two plates and made sure that I visited the salad bar first to eat a bunch of lettuce. I listened to my hunger and stopped before I felt horrible. I went out with my sister too and tried to watch how much I ate. I admit it was tough though because I was starved by the time I got to Cedar Falls. I got a salad because my conscience told me too. However, I didn't get the healthiest salad....something tells me that fried chicken on top isn't great for calorie intake.

Listening to my hunger has really worked today. I was home a lot (thanks to my apartment maintenance this morning) and kept wanting to migrate to the kitchen to snack. Every time I found myself in there, I questioned if I was actually hungry. Most of the time I wasn't so my got my caboose out of the kitchen quick. I could have easily ate a day's worth of calories by snacking all morning. Thank god I didn't!.

I will be going to Weight Watchers on Thursday morning. So far my schedule permits it and I feel really determined to get that started. Anyway, my day is about to get busier so I better sign off.

Quick thought...

This weekend is going to be my first challenge. I often times find it very diffifcult to muster up enough motivation to do the cooking on weekends and end up eating out a lot. Well, I used my one eat-out card last night...and it was so great, so this weekend is all on my own....wish me luck!

Beautiful girl...

As a rule I don't tend to weigh myself very often when I'm trying to lose weight. I always find the constant fluctuations in weight to be disappointing to say the least. I prefer to mark my day-to-day progress with the fit test. For work I have to dress in a business casual manner (nice pants and decent tops). All of my work clothes fit me really well because I've purchased most of them over the last two months. I did however have 2 pair of pants that I've had for some time now. The black pants have always fit me well but my tan pants were always a bit more snug in the waist than I'd prefer. Well, yesterday morning I was getting ready for work and grabbed the tan pants. When I put them on, much to my amazement, they fit spectacualry. I mean, they were never skin tight of looked bad, they were just a bit uncomfortable until they got broken in. However, yesterday morning they were comfy as can be from the start. Needless to say I was quite elated. I was so happy, in fact that I decided to step on the scale after my shower and much to my chagrin I had dropped over 5 pounds. Now, I know better than most that this is probably mostly water weight. It's not the right time of month for me to be fluctuating that much in a few days time but it is very possible that some of the weight could actually be pounds (maybe more like pound) lost. Regardless of whether it water weight or actual weight lost, the feeling of stepping on that scale and seeing my weight at 317 made me feel great! It has been a very long time (in fact I can't remember the last time) since I have stepped on a scale and smiled. That is some feeling. And, to top off my good mood, I was called a beautiful girl today...can't be that feeling can you?!?!? Granted the person calling me a beautiful girl was a 36 year old woman (who was quite beautiful herself) but her sincerity is what really made me smile...hey, a girl will take a compliment whenever she can get one!

Anywho, I don't know that this is helping anybody else with their weightloss plan, but it definitely motivated me to keep up the work. If I feel this good after 5 fake pounds, I can only imagine how amazing I will feel after 10 (and 15, 30 and so on) real ones!!!!

-nicole

My turn, my turn! (Jenny)

So, I didn't start Weight Watchers today. Early on, I dropped my car off at the dealership to get some work done and expected them to call around noon time. Guess what, they didn't call. Heck, by 4pm, they hadn't even looked at it yet. Should have just gone to the meeting and not worried about the car. I really want to go to the 11am meeting on Thursdays because I don't know the leader. If I go to an evening meeting, I'll have to bring Gavin with me and I don't enjoy the leader of those meetings. She's really perky, which is important to a certain extent, but she also causes those cliques I've mentioned before.

The weather didn't help me complete one of my goals today. It poured for hours in Ames. I walked to my son's school to get him after dismissal and of course it poured on our way home. Completely soaked us both so our after school bike ride was canceled. I'm hoping I stay on track this weekend as I'm going home. Visiting my parents always presents a chance to eat junk food since I tend to scavenge the cupboards and freezer for goodies.

I'm also worried about my digestive condition I've had since my gallbladder was removed in 2005. I basically need to have something in my system at all times. So I do need to incorporate snacks once in awhile so I don't get sick. My body produces bile too quickly and it's not controlled (since the gallbladder is gone) and if too much builds up and isn't processed through digestion.....let's just say the results suck. I really need to keep that in check and find foods to snack on that I can enjoy and won't tack on a ton of calories. Usually high fiber foods are great but let's face it, they aren't always tasty or affordable. So beyond eating better and exercising, I need to find balance with my food intake to keep everything in check health-wise.

More thoughts on weight loss...

So, I decided to take a peak at LeAnn's blog tonight when I got home. I don't know Jenny's sister at all and decided that if I took a look at her blog I would at least have some idea of what's currently on her mind. First, I was really happy to hear that our blog is helping her to make a positive change in her life. That was our goal afterall, not only to help ourselves but others as well. I also realized that even though we've never met, she and I have more in common than I think either of us suspect. When I was reading her descriptions of her previous attempts to lose weight and her current thoughts and concerns I realized that I could have been reading my own thoughts. I too am motivated to lose weight because of health issues. I have been very fortunate up to this point and do not have any health complications because of my weight but I fear that my luck here will run out eventually. I also dread the next three weeks more than anything else. Whenever I start a new weightloss plan I am amazingly dilligent and determined in the beginning. After a week or 2 of success I get distracted or busy and slip back into my old ways. I am really hoping that the blog aspect helps with this. Seems how we're all communicating here I hope that it will give the the motivation and push to keep up with what I'm doing. So, I guess I am asking that you all stick with this too and hopefully we can get eachother through the hardest part of this whole process...the follow-through.

Mmmmm, soup...

So, one of the most exciting things about this blog for me is that I get to share things with other people. One of things that I'm particularly excited to share are fun, tasty, and healthy recipes. I love to cook and I love food (you don't become overweight by not liking food). My new mission is to create yummy things to eat that will not only motivate me to stay at home for my meals but will also help me to lose weight. So, here is the first season, pocketbook and figure friendly recipe that I'm going to share with you. If you try it let me know what you think.

French Cabbage Soup:
-1 lb of spicey turkey sausage (or milder if you preferr)
-1 med. sized head of cabbage
-1 med. onion diced
-1 can of diced tomatoes
-1 packet onion soup mix
-1/4 cup. brown sugar (more to taste if you like)
-1 46 oz. bottle of tomato juice
-Red pepper flakes (if desired to taste)

So this is supposed to be a sweet and spicy kind of soup but you can play up the spicyness or the sweetness to your taste. First brown the sausage in a pan. Toss in your onion, tomatoes, soupmix and brown sugar. Mix well. Next add your cabbage and tomato juice (add enough juice to just cover the cabbage). Let simmer until cabbage is tender. Taste and add more brown sugar or pepper flakes to get the balance of sweet and spicey that you desire.

So, ideally I'll be adding at least one new recipe a week. I'll try and think of things that are easy to throw together and bring with (seems how that's what you need Leann). Also, if you girls have any other suggestions or ideas (or tweak a recipe and want to share the results) feel free!

-nicole

From the mind of Jenny....

Well I ventured to Lane Bryant for some new jeans today. Thanks to the weight gain I only had a couple that fit nicely and both are about ready to bite the dust. Whenever I go shopping for any kind of apparel, I think about a lecture I received at a Weight Watcher's meeting. Basically the lady told us that no matter our size, we should always wear clothes that fit us. Common sense right? But I can admit that I've worn stuff that is a little too small because I'm so worried about the size. But that lady did have a good point....yes I'm unhappy that I'm wearing a larger size but I don't have jeans cutting into my gut or a bra pinching me in unhappy places to remind me that I'm overweight and uncomfortable. That being said, I'm unhappy with the size of pants I got but on the flipside I'm happy I'll be comfortable when I wear them. Attempting to buy shirts was a bitch so I won't even go there....

I have decided to venture to good 'ol Weight Watchers again. First meeting will be tomorrow at 11am. And last night I totally failed with one of my goals. I ate something at 10pm. I had some drama here with a broken water heater, I napped late in the evening, and the Schwan's man brought some glorious food. Yes, all excuses. I was so mad at myself when I went to bed. Too bad anyone reading this is too far away to give me a good slap or two.

I will press on and continue with my goals. Until next time....

Small Victories...

I think that when someone tries to do something big like lose 100 pounds s/he gets so caught up in the big picture and that final goal that it's easy to overlook small victories. I know that in the past I have done this countless times. One of the things I told myself that I would do differently this time around was to take notice of the small victories that I have each day. Today, I took notice. I had great intentions to eat well all week. I had stuffed peppers earlier this week and I'm going to make this amazing soup later on...incredibly tasty food and good for me too--yay! In the attempt to eat well, I had planned on making eggplant parmesan tonight. To cut down on my after work prep I sliced my eggplant up last night and it was TERRIBLE. It was all seedy and hard and gross. So, I had to scratch my original plan...sad. In an attempt to salvage the basic idea of my meal I figured I would just make it with chicken instead which is easy enough because all I have to do is grab the meat out in the morning and it's defrosted when I get home...excellent solution!

Anyway, I got up this morning and was rushing to get out the door...running late as usual, and completely spaced pulling my chicken out of the freezer. Dammit!!! Gratned, on my average day this isn't a huge deal. It doesn't take long to defrost chicken so I was still on board for another homecooked meal! However, on my way home from work I suddenly remembered that I had some coupons for Lanebryant that I have and desperately needed to use because they expired today (still trying to build an appropriate wardrobe for work). By the time I got done shopping for new pants...thank God for sales, it was almost 7:00. Hmmm...what to do, what to do?!?!?

Well, I'll tell you what I did. I got in my car, buckled up and drug my happy ass home and made some dinner. Now, for the average person this might not seem like such a big thing but for me it was great. Not even one week ago would I have considered doing such. I would have gotten into my car, buckled up and headed to the nearest drive-in (McD's, Wendy's or Subway). Instead of indulging in a meal of crazy propotions, high caloric content and way to fricken much salt I came home and made dinner for myself. It wasn't anything spectacular but it was great none-the-less. While I won't be curing the Asian bird flu anytime soon with this victory I feel that it has led me one step closer to my desired outcome.

To do WW or not to do WW...that is the question

Well...in some sick twist of events I received information from Weight Watchers in the mail today. They gave a coupon for free registration. For more than a month I have contemplated re-joining the program so I'm accountable for my weight loss. I had a lot of success with it a few years ago but I've obviously gained all that weight back plus more. And to top it off, they moved the meeting location closer to my part of town. It used to be a major pain to drive to the past location because it was WAY on the south side of Ames. On the flip side, I feel like I've wasted money on it in the past because I've failed with my adherence to the program in the past couple years. But it is really a waste of money if I was trying to improve my health?

So, those of you that chose to read this wonderful blog....let me know your opinion. For the sake of organizing my thoughts, I'm going to list the pros and cons of doing Weight Watchers again.

Pros: the registration is free, I have to stand on the scale in front of people and be accountable for my actions, I get support from other people dealing with the same problems, it's closer to my apartment, and is it really that expensive? I can use the money that I typically spend on snacks and junk food on the weekly fee. I can also attend the meetings during the day now rather than hauling my son to them with me in the evening. (I guess that's a pro for him)

Cons: Yes, I get support from people but I always feel awkward (the meetings get rather cliquey), sometimes getting to the meetings can be a pain in the butt because of my odd schedule, the weekly fee still bothers me even though it's not THAT much money. I guess I'm too cheap and thrifty. I also become "excuse city" when I do weight watchers.

After writing all that out, the pros do greatly outweigh the cons. I still need to discuss it with some good friends and my sister before I make any decisions. But deep down, I feel it could help me really make some headway into this lifestyle change I need so badly.

In other news, I participated in the last part of a research study today. I had to do some skills testing for basketball that was timed. And OMG was I freaking tired by the middle of it. I almost thought I was going to hurl for a second. Just another HUGE sign that I really need to fix my cardiovascular fitness. Who knows what the researcher was thinking as I turned bright red instantly and huffed and puffed like an old woman. Even thought I felt like hell during it, I felt great afterwards though. Gotta love that.

From the mind of Jenny.....

And now it's time for my two cents. My weight "problem" stems from a lifestyle that includes laziness and indifference. And considering my educational background, those reasons are freaking sad. Each day I'm reminded about my weight in numerous ways. Despite those reminders, I still don't watch my snacking and don't increase my physical activity. I lack motivation even though I know that I could look and feel better overall. Sometimes I don't understand the psychology behind human behavior (even though I've read about it extensively). It all makes sense when I read about it in a book but when it comes to applying it to my life.....I fail.

I haven't used an official scale at work yet to measure my weight. I am scared to see the actual number but I know its around 280 lbs. I am the heaviest I've ever been. I really disappointed myself this summer. I didn't utilize the expensive bike I purchased in the spring. Because if that, I'll be including my bike in my goal(s) during this next attempt with weight loss. I've also made excuses for my behavior over the years. I always fall back on the fact that I'm so busy. I tell myself "I'm too busy to do this or to do that....", which leads to me sitting on my ass doing nothing. I'm fortunate that my weight is not adversely affecting my health. My bloodwork has not indicated any of the usual conditions associated with access fat (elevated blood sugar, high cholesterol, etc.) Over the last month though, I've noticed that my weight is affecting other aspects in my life. I'm easily winded now when walking. (how sad is that!) For a year now, I've had issues with sleep. I honestly think its related to my weight. And to top off my situation, my weight has adverse affects on my self esteem and confidence. I'm so worried about how I look to other people now a days. My opinion about myself has started to not matter.

Okay, enough ranting for now. Here are my goals for the week:

1) I will not eat after 8pm. Snacking at night due to boredom and loneliness has been an issue.

2) I will ride my bike 2-3 times this week since I neglected to use it enough this summer.

project180gone

321. I’ve heard that half of the battle of overcoming any problem is just to admit that the problem exists. From where I’m sitting, 321 is a major problem. When I first saw 321 I could hardly believe the number that was flashing in front of my eyes. How in the world could I have let things get so out of control that my scale could possibly be reading 321? No, not just 321 but 321.7 (if I’m going to be honest I might as well be honest).

For as long as I can remember I have been the heavy girl. I was overweight when I was in elementary school (my earliest memories of trying to lose weight are from 3rd grade when my sister and I had aspirations of turning our front porch into a makeshift gym) and the weight issue followed me through adolescence and even now into early adulthood it hasn’t subsided. Like most men and women who have struggled with weight issues their entire lives I have made several attempts to lose the excess weight. And, like most people in the same boat as me, I have failed time and time again.

I would love to be able to say that this time is guaranteed to be different. I would love to say that I will not fail, that failure simply is not an option. Unfortunately, it would delusional to make that sort of a claim. Failure is a possibility. It’s not pretty, but there it is. I, however, will be doing everything within my power to make sure that failure is not my outcome this time around. So here it is, I know what I need to do to make myself healthy (my degrees in exercise science basically mean that I can’t claim ignorance as a defense). I also know what the benefits are to changing my life yet I simply don't do what needs to be done. Why??? It’s simple. Lack of honesty.

For the past 26 years I have been lying to myself. Every time I try to lose weight it's the same damn thing. I tell myself that my current lifestyle isn't so bad. I tell myself that for a heavy person I eat pretty well and I get more physical activity than the average overweight person. I tell myself and others (generally those who are trying to lose weight with me) that I don't have gigantic lifestyle changes to make. Well, I've finally decided that that's BULLSHIT!!! After years of deluding myself I have finally found the nerve to admit that my lifestyle is my problem. Sure, I eat well when I cook, but lets face it, I don't cook all that often. I am ashamed to admit it but I eat out more during a week than I cook in, and it's not like I'm eating healthy take-out foods, no I'm eating crap. McDonald's, pizza, takeout Chinese and Chipotle. What’s worse is that I then go home to my apartment and spend the night watching TV or reading a book, not exactly high energy activities. Basically I have become the stereotypical heavy woman...go me!

Basically it’s this honesty that led me to project.180.gone. A friend and I (who would like to lose a combined weight of 180 pounds) have had the same struggles and have been trying to find a way to finally make the lifestyle changes that will result in healthier lives for the both of us. Although we don’t have any magic answers on how to be 100% successful on this journey we do know that we cannot succeed alone and have therefore started this blog as a way to share our thoughts, successes, set backs and goals with each other and anybody else who chooses to read this blog. If we can help others on our journey it will make the final destination that much more rewarding.

I guess all that I have left for this post is to state my current goals. I have decided that I am going to take things one step at a time. It is the only way to truly make a lasting lifestyle change. My first goal is to decrease the amount of eating out that I do. I will limit myself to eating out once per week.