Hey all:
If you're expecting a chipper entry than look away...most of what I have to say isn't the pinacle of positivity.
First of all, I have to say that something has got to give. I had envisioned my May to be a little more relaxed and carefree. I wanted to have fun. I wanted to spend more time with Gavin and Jon. It's the 24th and I've accomplished none of that. I had intentions to spruce up my apartment and do some major organizing. My apartment looks even worse than it did throughout the spring semester. Sigh.
My main issue is work. I have had so much crap thrown at me lately. I was so stressed out last week that I was getting sick at work. I went to Waukon for the weekend and relaxed and my Monday was a bit better thanks to that break. I can honestly say that I barely thought about work while hanging out with my family. Yesterday wasn't horrible but by 3pm I was feeling the stress again and hating my workplace. Today was awful. I was at work for about an hour and all at once had issues with our pool status, some grad student situations, and the Red Cross. I'm not one to get emotional at work but I ended up crying in my office more than I actually worked. I'm grateful to have my job and typically enjoy it but lately....I'm starting to despise it. The summer camp portion is the worst of it. I have not announced our pool issue yet to the families. I still haven't been given any concrete information from ISU so I don't feel it's professional to give any vague information. All I'll get in return is questions that I cannot answer. The overall response from the families scares me the most. I anticipate most being understanding since it was an unforeseen circumstance. But some will have a fit about it. Sigh.
The sad thing is that I cannot leave my work woes at work. They are coming home with me and really putting me in a funk. I feel depressed and my energy just sucks. My ambition to do anything diminishes more and more each day. I've had a hard time talking to anyone about things since I get pretty upset. I haven't had a significant conversation with Jon in awhile and that's driving me nuts. I feel very distant from him and it hurts. I've been trying to be supportive of Gavin this week since he's had a lot of transitions. We had his orientation tonight for middle school and I felt so sad that he's old enough to be at that stage of his life. It also bothered me severely to be one of the only single parent families in attendance. I should be used to attending stuff by myself (I've done it for years) but it's getting old. I won't say it's embarassing to be the only parent present...it's hard to attach an emotion to it.
I just need something to click and go my way. I don't do well when things snowball and progressively get more difficult. I don't feel well. I'm not sleeping well. My summer is going to royally suck if something doesn't change. I feel pretty isolated. The sad thing is that I feel like something else is coming my way and it's not good. I hate having that type of gut feeling.
Ok...thanks for readling/listening. Hopefully my next entry is more pleasant.
2 comments:
I am so sorry that you're stressed right now. I hope that things work out for you in the end and that your parents aren't too mad when they find out about the pool.
Hang in there lady. Your mental health is more important than anything else. I'm here for you if you need me!
We all have bummer periods in our life. Summer is suppose to be relaxing and enjoyable, so it's understandable if May hasn't gone like you had hoped. The summer isn't over yet, so don't lose hope. Your apartment can always get cleaned and organized. I hope things improve for you and Jon. Sometimes guys don't understand how much we need them to be there for us, give us some emotional attention. Gavin has a good summer lined up, so I wouldn't worry. I understand you wanting to spend more time with him. I do too. That's why I volunteered to take care of him this summer, if you needed help.
I'm glad our family weekend made your stress levels decrease. Time with loved ones always seems to have a positive impact on my emotional/mental health. It sounds like work is overwhelming for you at the current time. The pool situation just adds fuel to the stress fire. I hope your summer camp families understand. Crying at work has to happen, I think. There were a few teachers who told me that they couldn't believe how little I cried. LoL. Crying is an outlet, just make sure it doesn't happen to often. Then, other measures need to be taken. Like, a girls weekend or even week day! We can get a hotel room in Waterloo at the casino - go gambling, shopping, eating. Yeehaw!
I hate when work follows you home or vice versa. Funks are frustrating - the mood, eating, lack of energy, etc. I am hoping my summer is not a funk-filled vacation. Find something that brightens your day - a piece of chocolate, make Jon give you a massage, etc. Sleeping and wine tend to help me feel good. I am going to start a work-out routine soon.
I hope something clicks for you soon. Funks can't last forever. Hopefully, work will lighten up, Jon will fulfill your needs (I don't mean that in a dirty way, I swear), and you get some much needed home time to chill.
If you were always chipper, you'd annoy the hell out of me, so being non-chipper is perfectly acceptable! Hang in there!!
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